Haha, Advent Children sucks.

Threw this together when I saw photos from the actual LA premiere of Advent Children. I actually felt bad for the cast -- they've got that "deer-in-the-headlights" look BAD. So I decided to have some fun.



"Hello everyone, and welcome to E! News' coverage of the LA premiere of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children! We don't know why we're here either."



"We sure don't, Ryan. As you can see, thousands of fans have taken the time to wheel themselves out of their parents' basements and show up for this presumably momentous occasion. Yes, the streets and the air are thick with them."



"I luv ff7! CLoud r0x!"

"I hope this version's as good as the one I saw last September!"

"I say, I think it very sporting of the artists at Square Enix to finally render Tifa's breasts more accurately. By jove, her knockers were far too disproportional in the game for any sensible man to take seriously."



"Haha wow. Okay, I see some of the stars who lent their voice talents are making their way down the red carpet. Let's see if we can get some time in with them. Hi, and you are?"



"Uh...Mena Suvari. I was in American Beauty."



"Oh, right, Shannon Elizabeth was SMOKIN' in that. So, what can you tell us about the movie?"



"I don't know. I was doing this thing for Disney and they asked me if I could stay and record some stuff for this other thing."



"Wow, not really picky about what they give you, huh?"



"Excuse me? Listen, you asshole. I don't need this; I was in American Beauty, for Christ's sake!"



"Yeah, but you were also in that cheerleader bank robbers movie. Let's face it, you had this coming."





"Seacrest out!"



"Ryan, I'm standing here with the girl from Josie and the Pussycats. Josie, what can you tell us about your role in this film?"



"Uh, well my character's a real strong, athletic type. She gets to punch and kick a lot of stuff and it was really fun acting that out while not really doing anything. Takes a lot out of you."



"Right. Well, I see we have a question from a fan. Hello sir, do you have a question?"



"Yes. Miss Cook, at the end of the second disc of Final Fantasy VII after Tifa has poured her heart and feelings out to Cloud outside of the Highwind before they go and fight Sephiroth, do you think they did the nasty?"





"Okay, we have one more person to talk to. Sir, what can you tell us about your experience working on Final Fantasy?"



"Final Fa-what? I thought this was the line for Days of Our Lives auditions."



"Well, I'm too tired to try and think of anything else to say. For E! News, I'm Giuliana DePandi."



"Seacrest out!"

Have you ever seen anything so...beautiful?

Thoughts on Grandia III

Finally picked up a copy of Grandia III last Wednesday and, after spending around 10 hours with it, I can safely say I'm quite impressed so far; especially given the rather checkered past Grandia and I have had.

I was really late to the Grandia party, having finally played the game last August. I never really understood the hype for the most part: the story was predictable and cliche as all hell, the characters were one-dimensional and (aside from Justin, Feena, and a couple of the antagonists) revolting, and the battle system -- despite putting an interesting spin on typical jPRG battle systems -- fell flat due to the lack of any real challenge. Good music though, even if the main theme sounded like a wonky newscast tune.
Then came Grandia II. From the outset, the sequel seemed to be an improvement in most everyway: the story had a decent step up (even if you could see the "organized religion is evil" twist coming from 10 miles away), the characters didn't completely grate my nerves, and the battles were a blast to play, partly because Grandia II has probably the best battle theme EVER in a RPG.
Then everything falls apart (story/character-wise anyway) once Ryudo confronts Melfice. Not only is Melfice, a good candidate for top villain honors, dispatched like a complete pantywaste after barely 30 minutes of screentime, but main character and all-around sarcastic jackass Ryudo completely loses everything that made him likeable and becomes just another trademark Game Arts "Believe in HUMANITY" talking head, much like the cast of Lunar 2 before him. Grandia II's narrative still proved mildly interesting -- the Granas/Valmar stuff was a nice twist on an old formula, if criminally underutilized -- and the battles were still a blast to play, but damned if I cared about what happened in the finale.

So now we come to Grandia III. From the outset, things seem to have improved on the narrative front -- as much as a GA narrative can improve, anyway. Main character Yuki is Justin done right in my eyes: overly ambitious without being completely saccharine. The fact that he doesn't yearn for a great adventure from the start of the game is welcome as well; he's still a normal kid with a dream, but the fact that he's not a little kid makes him more likeable to me.
Of course, in typical Game Arts fashion, he jumps at the chance to give up his entire life to help the first pretty waif he meets. Alfina may be no Feena, but she's a damn sight more likeable than Elena "GOTTA WORK EVEN HARDER!" from Grandia II. Not to say Alfina doesn't have highly annoying traits of her own: she's got an annoying older brother complex, she's clumsy, she can't cook, she whines. Hell, she stumbles into nearly every cliche that plagues a young female in a jRPG, only trading in cat ears for elf ears, and somehow managing to not be completely offensive -- perhaps due to the fact that she hardly speaks more than a few sentences at a time.
She's perfectly complimented though, by Miranda, the token TUFF GRRL with a twist: she's Yuki's mom! And she looks like he was conceived when she was 2 years old! What will they think of next?! Seriously though, Miranda was my favorite character until she left the party (here's hoping for a reappearance). Cute, spunky, and a good fighter, Miranda proved a great addition to the party and I'll miss her.
Can't say the same for Alonso, the lady's (beast)man. He's in the party for only a few hours and proves to be a good fighter, but I never cared much for his barely-there personality. I wish he'd stuck around a little longer.

Visually speaking, Grandia III is stunning. Whereas the previous games were known for their elaborate towns, Grandia III looks great all around with sprawling vistas, a gorgeous seascape and really well animated character models -- a first for the series. This is one of the best looking games on the PS2.
In terms of audio, the game falters a bit. Where are the trademark Iwadare wacky tunes? He's still here, but a lot of the music that made Grandia, well... Grandia is sadly missing, and what we're left with is mostly forgettable. Thankfully, the voice acting picks up the slack. This is some of the best VA work I've heard from a Square Enix game.
Finally, we come to the trademark battle system. They've actually made it BETTER. Thank you, Game Arts, for FINALLY adding some challenge to battles. Especially in boss battles, I've actually actively tried Canceling enemy turns and taken full advantage of characters' Special Moves and abilities. And Aerial Combos. Talk about real incentive to play around with character growth and combat turns. I've actually reset boss battles I'd won just to try finishing them with an Aerial Combo to see what rare loot I could get. Bravo, Game Arts.

I may be only 10 hours into the game (I've heard certain things take a turn for the worse here on out, so...), but I'm really diggin' the game so far. Off to play more!

Screw you, Hallmark!

Unemployment sucks

Boy, it sure does. :\

I work in customer service*

Probably the first in what promises to be an ongoing series of things that force to me question God's wisdom in putting other people on His green earth. And don't act as though you don't secretly harbor such feelings.

Old people -- Holy fuck, it's time to die.

Loud people -- Guess what? No one cares what you think of Kim from the office across the aisle from you.

California drivers -- Stop tailgating me when I'm doing 90 in the passing lane and no one else is around. If you're old, please find the nearest tree and drive into it. But only if there's no one else on the road; I don't feel like sitting through a traffic jam.

Pretty much everyone in a movie theater -- Haha, it wasn't really that funny/shocking/sad/whatever, kindly stop speaking. And if you don't smack that kid, I'll be happy to do it for you.

*I do not work in customer service.

THIS JUST IN -- Updates coming soon!

So, I guess one or two people are actually skimming this in their spare time (probably while waiting for...er, "files" to download), and I should start updating again.

I'll post entries in the coming weeks once I get time off work (13 hours days are happy fun time!), so look for them. Or something. I mean hey, gotta pass the time somehow...

Oh, and Happy Birthday to me.